Day Two. Reframing Fail. Community Win.
Morning. Looming clouds in the distance. Walking. Beach. Sand. Surf. Freeing.
Workshop after workshop. Writing. Finding the story. Video. Tweeting. Learning.
Lunch. Anxiously awaiting the mobile eats. Disappointment. Trying to not be upset over not being able to eat. The difficulty in reframing and being positive. Losing focus. Feeling like a victim. The wrong approach. But the one taken.
Gathered with positive bloggers. A short walk and a lot of options. Filling real food. Fabulous conversation. Spirits raised but anxiety lies low. Hiding to finish work and regroup. Emotions run high. Difficulty remaining positive.
Wine. Food. Blog. Fun workshop. Lots to learn. Friendly faces. Not short sentences with quick escape routes like many encountered.
Dinner. Anxiety returns. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Trying not to bitch. But waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Anxious. Hungry.
Salad: Without cheese. Tasty.
Entree: Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Entire table has finished eating. Can’t help the negative feelings that return. Frustration. Plate of vegetables with nothing else is served. Vegetables are good but there is more than just vegetables.
Twitter on the big screen? Shows others had more. Amplifies the frustration and anxiety building. Just wanting to feel normal is dying to scream out. Friends come to rescue. Garbanzos arrive.
Dessert: Fruit on lettuce. Nothing on it. Nothing. Arrives long after others have eaten. Food is community. Feeling like a community of one.
Pain. Night cut short.
It’s frustrating to be in a frequent state of low-level pain and to not know what causes it. To have it flare up and not be able to control it. For everyone wanting to help and offer opinions to the point of being overwhelming. Frustration because in the quest to be normal and have fun, turns into feeling like an outsider. One year ago I wasn’t the strange kid. Now I feel like a negative ball of energy is fighting inside of me, only amplified by being here. But I will keep trying to work on reframing. Takeaway from a session on the third day will be reframing to consider a life of inclusion instead of exclusion. To reframe. To walk away with the positive.