IFBC Santa Monica comes to a close
Morning. Fruit and potatoes. Homemade energy bite.
Monetary decisions. To monetize or to save? Saving seems more practical. Lots of tips. Lots of tweets.
Dietary restriction? Reframe it. You can’t choose everything on the menu anyways. You eliminate those options by choice. Just choose to eliminate those that do not make you stronger. Choose quality. Discover new options. Recognize your strength.
Closing. Portland 2012.
After-party? Fabulous. Friends. Strangers. Community. Welcoming. Choices. Delicious choices. No waiting. Warmth in the form of sun, smiles, jokes, food, and fermented grape. Highlight of the weekend. This moment of community forever frozen. Stored in the memory box and wiping clean any of the anxiety and disappointment from before. Singing. Dancing. Video. Fingered Citron. You can’t plan this. You can’t pay for this in your conference registration fees.
Ultimately, what I continue to realize as I attend these conferences is that I always set expectations high for the event itself. When in reality, it’s never the event that changes me or inspires me. It is the other people attending the event. Sharing their homes, their food, their stories and smiles. If I could thank all of them independently, I would. But I would be thanking for longer than I have battery life on my well-worked laptop. I hope they realize how amazing they all are. And if not, let me just say…
Thank you.
Day Two. Reframing Fail. Community Win.
Morning. Looming clouds in the distance. Walking. Beach. Sand. Surf. Freeing.
Workshop after workshop. Writing. Finding the story. Video. Tweeting. Learning.
Lunch. Anxiously awaiting the mobile eats. Disappointment. Trying to not be upset over not being able to eat. The difficulty in reframing and being positive. Losing focus. Feeling like a victim. The wrong approach. But the one taken.
Gathered with positive bloggers. A short walk and a lot of options. Filling real food. Fabulous conversation. Spirits raised but anxiety lies low. Hiding to finish work and regroup. Emotions run high. Difficulty remaining positive.
Wine. Food. Blog. Fun workshop. Lots to learn. Friendly faces. Not short sentences with quick escape routes like many encountered.
Dinner. Anxiety returns. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Trying not to bitch. But waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Anxious. Hungry.
Salad: Without cheese. Tasty.
Entree: Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Entire table has finished eating. Can’t help the negative feelings that return. Frustration. Plate of vegetables with nothing else is served. Vegetables are good but there is more than just vegetables.
Twitter on the big screen? Shows others had more. Amplifies the frustration and anxiety building. Just wanting to feel normal is dying to scream out. Friends come to rescue. Garbanzos arrive.
Dessert: Fruit on lettuce. Nothing on it. Nothing. Arrives long after others have eaten. Food is community. Feeling like a community of one.
Pain. Night cut short.
*****
It’s frustrating to be in a frequent state of low-level pain and to not know what causes it. To have it flare up and not be able to control it. For everyone wanting to help and offer opinions to the point of being overwhelming. Frustration because in the quest to be normal and have fun, turns into feeling like an outsider. One year ago I wasn’t the strange kid. Now I feel like a negative ball of energy is fighting inside of me, only amplified by being here. But I will keep trying to work on reframing. Takeaway from a session on the third day will be reframing to consider a life of inclusion instead of exclusion. To reframe. To walk away with the positive.
There is something to be said for the “All or Nothing” attitude
I committed to blogging every day. In my mind it meant I had to blog every day. And once I missed a day, I said I would write two blogs the next day. And when that didn’t happen…
Well you can see where this went for about a month. When I realized it was now or never. If I didn’t start blogging again then my fabulous idea of documenting a year of coaching would gather cyber-dust. And that would be silly since I paid for the domain name!
Clearly life is stressful and frustrating. We all have plans and sometimes those plans don’t work out. We can either give up, or dust off that cyber dust and hop back into the game. So I am back. And while I hope I will blog every day, if I miss a day I won’t kick myself for it.
It reminds me of my students. Many times I ask if they are ready for a practice debate and they tell me that their cases aren’t ready yet. Often times it is because their cases aren’t “perfect” and they don’t want to “lose” the practice debate. However, this all or nothing attitude prevents them from getting in the early practice rounds and they miss opportunities to find ways to strengthen their cases or create unique blocks to their opponents cases. Things that can only be discovered through actual practice rounds. By putting it off and off and off, they miss out. By putting off blogging until I can catch up on the daily posts, I miss an opportunity to capture my thoughts and actions. Which means I get the “nothing” end of the all or nothing mindset, and that just sounds like a waste of a domain name.
Hello from Salt Lake City!
The Alta Silver & Black tournament is in full swing in Utah this weekend. The tournament has amazing hospitality, great competition, and is very well run. My students don’t debate the December topic because of finals, but I was lucky enough to come out as an additional driver and chaperone this weekend. I also learned something new that may have derailed healthy eating during my visit…
Red Vines are vegan!!!
Vacation – What’s That?
Schedule for today:
- Spa appointment
- Grocery shopping for Thanksgiving
- Meet with department member to review budget proposals for her area
What a short short list! Can you believe it? Aside from cleaning house and budget prep, I have five fabulous days of freedom!!! I am off to enjoy it while it lasts. This is the longest block of time off I have had since June!
The Healthy Academic 