Redefining “Normal” — Exploring my relationship with food & weight-maintenance

Weight loss is a battle. It’s an absolute struggle and I completely relate to anyone who is fighting to take off those pounds. But I have discovered an even more difficult task.

Keeping it off.

On Monday I was working out with a friend and talking about how gross I felt. I began to review all of the terrible things I had eaten while working at a middle school debate tournament. For the first time in over a year, I had eaten at McDonalds and over those two days I had actually had TWO meals from the Golden Arches. And that wasn’t all!

What happened to me? What had possessed me, during a week I was trying to eat on the lower end of my calorie range due to an upcoming vacation, to eat so many of the terribly high calorie foods offered to me?

I started off each morning with a blended shake. I even packed meal replacements and vegetables. I was exhausted but I had a semblance of a plan. To stick with a Healthy Solutions “More is Better” approach because I knew it would be very stressful and I make terrible choices when I am stressed out. Something I have learned about myself over the last 13 months.

However, people offered me lunch delivery from the lunchroom. And I accepted. And then they went around taking McDonald’s orders. And I placed one for myself.

Why?

I realized upon reflecting on the weekend that I just wanted to appear “normal.” After a year of being on such a strict diet, I wanted to be like everyone else and eat whatever I wanted. I wanted to eat like they did.

Like a carnival funhouse, I was tricked by this notion of “normal” and I was the fool.

My concept of normal used to be “what everyone else is doing” but I realize that this isn’t what gave me success in my weight-loss journey. What gave me success was setting a new standard of what normal looks like. And when I reflect upon the weekend, other people turned down these various options in favor of something healthier. Which meant what I had perceived as normal really wasn’t the norm for everyone.

While I anticipate a gain on the scale this week, I have also gained something else. I have gained a better understanding of how I operate and the triggers that entice me further into the Gap.

In middle school we would joke that normal was just a setting on a washing machine. Maybe I just need to listen to my 7^th grade self again. Embrace the idea of being me and not being like everyone else. After all, being me is what got me this far in life. And I like who I have become.