Calorie Counting Anxiety
Every week in HMR class, we are given assignments. And I have wanted to write about this particular assignment for weeks but get anxious whenever I try to confront it. Today, coming from a class, I finally feel strong enough to share.
Funny. My writing stopped again for 24 hours. See, the assignment that got my nerves in a bundle and me from writing? We had to log calories in addition to what MR we were eating. I became aware of what I was trying to forget.
The first week on HMR, I kept calculating calories. But it was all in my head. Before the end of the week I had committed to memory how many calories each MR was. It took at least another week before I had stopped the mental calculations, to try to embrace the “more is better” and avoid depravation.
So when this assignment was initially given, I was hesitant but committed to it as fully as all of my other class assignments. I refused to give anything less than 100% to my homework.
However as the week went on, I began to notice how hungry I was. Instead of choosing a higher calorie entree, I would opt for a lower calorie one — even though I really wanted the original entree and it was only a fifty calorie difference. I was avoiding having the extra shake, because it was another 160 calories.
The point of the assignment was to figure out water math. And to show us how a few extra MR in order to stay satisfied and “in the box” would not have an adverse impact on our weight-loss. However, even though I knew what the purpose was and I understood the positive elements of the assignment, I found myself restricting my caloric intake to my bare RX of meal replacements. I was starving and cranky and anxious.
I am incredibly good at limiting calories. Initially. But upon reflection, the restricting always ended in a binge. A derailment. And then the end of that bout of dieting. My anxiety over numbers would end in my hands flailing and waving a white flag. I would give in… and then the numbers and the feelings of failure would haunt my dreams.
Doing this assignment brought back the anxiety and the old behaviors, with one exception. Attending class that week and talking to others in my class and to the nurse and health educator… I realized that while I can’t handle the numbers now, I can handle the HMR diet. Because those 50 calories don’t matter in the long run if it keeps me from the 500 I would pick up at a drive-through.
I don’t have to count calories any more. At least not for now. And that relieves a lot of my anxiety. I know there will come a day I will have to live outside of the HMR meal replacement box but by then I will have the tools I need to do so confidently and will be able to face my fears and conquer my restrictive habits. I am working towards a balanced approach to health and I am proud of all that I am learning and doing in the process.
HMR Turkey Chili “Burger” Patties
I have had mad cravings for a burger. Luckily, playing off the idea of the risotto cakes and the chili being the special of the month at the clinic and I had an idea. Now I recommend playing around with spices, as I have had a different version each time I make it and all have been great! I leave the fruit in for a sweet and savory taste in the patty.
HMR Chili Burger
- 1 pkg HMR Turkey Chili
- 1 pkg HMR Oatmeal
- 2 oz water
- Spices: Cayenne, Smoked Salt, Chili Powder, Liquid Smoke, Garlic Powder (note if you use liquid smoke you don’t need more than 1/8 tsp for the whole recipe! it’s very strong but totally awesome!)
Preheat frying pan and spray with cooking spray.
Mix oatmeal, chili, water, and spices together and microwave for 90 seconds.
Pour “batter” onto frying pan in small batches. You want to keep the patties small so they cook evenly. It will take a couple of minutes on each side to brown. I like to press down on them once they have been flipped once to help release more moisture.
Once they are cooked, let sit for one minute before enjoying. They are fabulous! And I am sure once I am on Healthy Solutions, I am certain they would be great wrapped in lettuce.
HMR Sriracha BBQ Chicken Stir-Fry
I have made this twice and am seriously in love with the spicy sweet dipping sauce.
Ingredients
1 HMR BBQ Chicken with Red Beans & Rice
Garlic Power
Red Salt (optional – I just link the clay flavor but regular salt would also work)
Sriracha
First heat a large nonstick frying pan. I do a quick spritz of cooking spray as well.
Clean your chicken breast off, reserving the sauce (don’t mix that goodness! You want to keep the rice and beans as dry as possible). Chop chicken into small bite-sized pieces.
Add rice and beans to pan. At this point I add a couple of tablespoons of water because the rice is hard. I also add salt and garlic powder – amount will depend on your taste and I love garlic!
You will want to use a wooden spoon to avoid scratching the pan. I start pushing the rice and beans around, breaking them up. After about a minute, add the chicken. Continue stirring until everything is heated up and you start to see some browning.
Okay confession… One of my favorite parts of this process is using the wooden spoon to scrap off all the brown parts that stick to the pan. I scrap them into the bowl (or eat them off the spoon – no shame!) for extra crunchy texture.
Pour your fried rice mix into a bowl.
Depending on your heat preference, the sauce measurements will vary. Add a little sriracha at a time to the BBQ sauce until you find your perfect sweet and spicy blend. Spoon sauce next to stir-fry or pour over.
I love Asian food and while this isn’t quite the same, it is a delicious kick to one of my favorite HMR entrees!
HMR Toasted Raviolis
I made these for a Thanksgiving appetizer and will be repeating again for Christmas. The only real problem is that repurposing them out of the sauce made me realize how there are only FOUR raviolis! I had definitely had some portion-distortion going on pre-HMR.
This isn’t my recipe but I wanted to share my review. I definitely pressed down with the spatula to get as much of the outside browned as possible. I also doctored the sauce with various herbs like garlic.
More is Better
I feel like I have been working a second (sometimes third) job most of my life.
When asked what hobby I do on a regular basis, I am tempted to reply “I diet.”
Dieting has consumed my life for almost half of my life. I gain, I lose, I gain, I lose. The perpetual seesaw.
This new program? HMR? It’s another diet. I know I am supposed to say it is a lifestyle change but I am not there yet. Many diets I have attempted have been “lifestyle changes” but my life didn’t change.
I am working on it. Working hard to live fully in the program. To not try to calculate calories too much these first few weeks but eat my prescription and when needed to practice “more is better” which is a mantra of the program. Hungry? Eat another HMR meal.
The idea of “more is better” is counter to everything I have ever been taught about dieting. I have been constantly bombarded with what needs to be cut. The only more that was ever better was more minutes on the treadmill.
The rational part of my brain understands the justifications for the program’s “more is better” tenet. But it is a struggle some days to eat the extra and not feel guilty. I know I need to eat extra some days. I understand this is an ultra-marathon and not a lap around the track. That staying “in the box” (eating only HMR products) is how I stay on track. And by staying full, I am not tempted to binge.
All of this makes sense. But it’s a hard hurdle to jump over some days. Today is definitely one of those days.
HMR Decision Free Pumpkin Pie Shake
I love to cook. I love to consume a variety of flavors and textures. And one of my biggest fears of starting the HMR Diet was that I would not be able to cook.
This is my third week of the diet and I am happy to say that I have been playing in the kitchen!
The first week of the diet I started looking up recipes online. Many of the HMR recipes appeared to be for Healthy Solutions or involved major manipulations that made me uncomfortable as I didn’t want to veer too far off from the basics until I knew the program and myself.
However after ordering a number of sugar free syrups, zero calories extracts, and spices galore — I have been amassing a number of recipes I want to record to use down the road.
I have a Vitamix blender. I got it before I started HMR but it has been a total lifesaver. It is the easiest to clean ever and makes my smoothies amazingly fluffy and smooth. I say this as a preface because results may vary if you try this with a different blender at home.
Pumpkin Pie Decision Free Smoothie
1 packet HMR Vanilla 800
3/4 to 1 cup of water
6 pumps Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Pie syrup
7 to 9 ice cubes
Pumpkin Pie spice
1. Blend water, syrup, and powder on low for 20-30 seconds.
2. Add ice cubes and 2-3 dashes of spice to the blender.
3. Blend on high for 20-40 seconds (the longer I blend, the fluffier it gets!)
Enjoy!
Decision Free
My brain is absolutely overwhelmed right now. I am “Decision Free” but full of decisions.
Confused?
Me too.
After a number of diet attempts. All of the restarts. The downs and ups on the scale (mostly ups). I started to do some research. I reflected. A lot. I knew a change was needed and I knew it needed to happen now.
Doctor visits. Medical tests. All confirmed what I already knew. If I didn’t start losing weight, I was heading down a very dark path.
I like food a lot. I took a hiatus from creating and blogging food recipes on Uncovering Food because I had moved to a more urban neighborhood where every kind of food I desired was right outside of my front door. And explore my neighborhood I did… bite by bite.
I realized I had lost my focus on health, and continued to fight myself. And when we moved to a new apartment and a number of other drastic changes happened around me, I woke up.
After attempting to be the Healthy Academic for so long on my own, I admitted I needed help. Being healthy isn’t just about eating vegetables or running a 5k. Being healthy means caring for your body and ensuring that excess weight doesn’t shut parts of it down. However I realized that with so much going on in my life, my present and my history, I was going to have difficulty staying with another diet-by-my-own-design.
After screenings, meetings, and my first night of class, I am officially an active participant in the HMR Decision Free program through my doctor’s medical network. I plan on writing more about it as we progress but for now I am still overwhelmed with all of my materials and all of the parts of this medically-supervised program…
It took me two weeks to publish this initial post about HMR because I felt like I have given up so much of my identity. I feel like I have to defend my choices to myself, let alone to others. However two weeks into this program, on Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful to myself that I didn’t let pride get in my own way. That I am doing this for my wellness.
The Healthy Academic 