60 Days on HMR
Wikimedia Commons Source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Golden_Maki_Rainbow_Roll_sushi.jpg
It has been 60 days since I last ate sushi. Sushi was my go-to food. It was my friend. My comfort. And let’s face it… it was really really good!
I won’t lie. I miss it like crazy. So much that I bought nori to try to make my own out of HMR entrees. Well, until I found out nori wasn’t in the box. So now the nori sits and waits.
Every time I crave sushi, I think about why. Do I miss the texture? The flavors? The feelings that I associate with sushi? I swear if I were ever to fall out of “the box” it would probably be into a sushi boat.
The truth is I miss everything. But I know it will be there for me when I meet my goal. And while I feel deprived now, I know I am learning so much more about myself. I know that I eat for comfort as well as nourishment. I eat for flavor and texture and not just because I am hungry.
And while 60 days may seem like a long time, it will be a lot longer before sushi and I can sit down and enjoy each other’s company. Until I not only get to a healthier weight but also have learned to control the yearning for nigiri and maki and sashimi, this reunion will not occur.
All or Nothing
I am not a perfectionist but I am repelled by the idea of doing something half-assed. If you are going to do it, do it right and give it everything you have. Otherwise what’s the point?
Physical activity (PA) is an important component in any healthy lifestyle a and especially one focused on weight loss. And when people talk about starting an exercise regime they say to start small and to count the little things.
I hate listening to those people. I know walking for ten minutes is better than not walking. But guess what, increasing your speed and elevation and time does? It burns even more calories. It accomplishes more. It’s giving yourself fully to the commitment.
My HMR educator has been fighting me on this concept. Pushing me to realize that some days you need to go in slow short spurts of activity. You need to anticipate injury recovery or hard days. And my rational debate coach brain acknowledges his arguments, applies them to “other people,” and even reflects on my own injuries that seriously derailed my physical activity several times during my life. He is right.
But a large part of my psyche refuses to apply his logic to my own actions. Ten minutes of walking does not add up to very many calories and so I don’t write it down. Again.
I am not sure why I fight this so hard but maybe within that battle lies a happy medium. Count the smaller activities on those hard days but when I am able to do more do it. It doesn’t have to be all in or nothing. It can be somewhere in between.
HMR Diet Recipe: Lasagna Bites with Chili Garlic Meat Sauce
This one is super easy and perfect when you want to change up the lasagna entree!
Ingredients:
- 1 HMR Lasagna
- 1 to 3 tsp chili garlic sauce
Scrape the meat sauce off of the top of the lasagna and reserve. Cut the lasagna into 8 pieces.
Heat large nonstick sauté pan over high heatt. You may need cooking spray to prevent sticking. Add the eight pieces of lasagna to the pan, making sure you have lots of space around each piece. You will want to allow both sides to brown, turning each piece several times. It will add texture and depth to the pieces (and make the entree look bigger!).
While lasagna is browning, mix meat sauce with chili garlic sauce. Cover and microwave for 15-30 seconds until warm.
Enjoy each lasagna bite with a dollop of sauce on top!
HMR Thai-Inspired Spicy Peanut Chicken
My HMR Core class is full of awesome people who love to play in the kitchen. I look forward to our classes, but I also love the clinic time before when we have time to casually share how life is going, and even more exciting? What new creations people have made in the kitchen!
The following is inspired by my class and a couple of similar combinations that people have shared with me. I like to mix and match, so I didn’t combine the three components in the end, but you could just as easily toss it all in a bowl. This was perfect post-gym today and was my best take on this combination of flavors so I had to share!
Thai-Inspired Peanut Chicken
- HMR Savory Chicken Entree
- 1 tbsp PB2 original
- 1 tbsp low-sodium soy sauce
- 1 tsp chili garlic sauce (use less if you want less heat!)
- 1/2 tsp (or more!) powdered ginger
- 1/2 tsp (or more!) powdered garlic
Heat a large frying pan on high heat. Spray lightly with canola cooking spray.
While pan is heating, it’s time to dissect the entree! Start by taking the chicken pieces out and chopping them into small pieces. Set aside. Then put the rice into the hot pan. Finally, take the gravy with the carrots and mushrooms and put in a small bowl.
The rice will take awhile to cook and due to the moisture levels in the rice, you will end up flipping it over like patties in order to get them brown and crispy. Don’t push down! You don’t want actual patties!
While the rice is cooking, add the remaining ingredients to the reserved gravy. Mash the carrot while mixing all of the sauce ingredients together to increase the creamy texture. I think it might be even better if you mix all of the other sauce ingredients in advance and store in the refrigerator. The flavors will meld and really develop.
When the rice is nearing finish (your desired crispiness – can take several minutes on each side and may require multiple flips), move rice to the outside of the pan to keep cooking. Add the chicken to the center (where the pan is the hottest) and allow chicken to brown, stirring occasionally. With the hot pan and the chicken already being cooked, this should only take a couple of minutes.
Finally, when the chicken has started to brown and the rice is ready, it’s time to plate and enjoy!
Calorie Counting Anxiety
Every week in HMR class, we are given assignments. And I have wanted to write about this particular assignment for weeks but get anxious whenever I try to confront it. Today, coming from a class, I finally feel strong enough to share.
Funny. My writing stopped again for 24 hours. See, the assignment that got my nerves in a bundle and me from writing? We had to log calories in addition to what MR we were eating. I became aware of what I was trying to forget.
The first week on HMR, I kept calculating calories. But it was all in my head. Before the end of the week I had committed to memory how many calories each MR was. It took at least another week before I had stopped the mental calculations, to try to embrace the “more is better” and avoid depravation.
So when this assignment was initially given, I was hesitant but committed to it as fully as all of my other class assignments. I refused to give anything less than 100% to my homework.
However as the week went on, I began to notice how hungry I was. Instead of choosing a higher calorie entree, I would opt for a lower calorie one — even though I really wanted the original entree and it was only a fifty calorie difference. I was avoiding having the extra shake, because it was another 160 calories.
The point of the assignment was to figure out water math. And to show us how a few extra MR in order to stay satisfied and “in the box” would not have an adverse impact on our weight-loss. However, even though I knew what the purpose was and I understood the positive elements of the assignment, I found myself restricting my caloric intake to my bare RX of meal replacements. I was starving and cranky and anxious.
I am incredibly good at limiting calories. Initially. But upon reflection, the restricting always ended in a binge. A derailment. And then the end of that bout of dieting. My anxiety over numbers would end in my hands flailing and waving a white flag. I would give in… and then the numbers and the feelings of failure would haunt my dreams.
Doing this assignment brought back the anxiety and the old behaviors, with one exception. Attending class that week and talking to others in my class and to the nurse and health educator… I realized that while I can’t handle the numbers now, I can handle the HMR diet. Because those 50 calories don’t matter in the long run if it keeps me from the 500 I would pick up at a drive-through.
I don’t have to count calories any more. At least not for now. And that relieves a lot of my anxiety. I know there will come a day I will have to live outside of the HMR meal replacement box but by then I will have the tools I need to do so confidently and will be able to face my fears and conquer my restrictive habits. I am working towards a balanced approach to health and I am proud of all that I am learning and doing in the process.
HMR Turkey Chili “Burger” Patties
I have had mad cravings for a burger. Luckily, playing off the idea of the risotto cakes and the chili being the special of the month at the clinic and I had an idea. Now I recommend playing around with spices, as I have had a different version each time I make it and all have been great! I leave the fruit in for a sweet and savory taste in the patty.
HMR Chili Burger
- 1 pkg HMR Turkey Chili
- 1 pkg HMR Oatmeal
- 2 oz water
- Spices: Cayenne, Smoked Salt, Chili Powder, Liquid Smoke, Garlic Powder (note if you use liquid smoke you don’t need more than 1/8 tsp for the whole recipe! it’s very strong but totally awesome!)
Preheat frying pan and spray with cooking spray.
Mix oatmeal, chili, water, and spices together and microwave for 90 seconds.
Pour “batter” onto frying pan in small batches. You want to keep the patties small so they cook evenly. It will take a couple of minutes on each side to brown. I like to press down on them once they have been flipped once to help release more moisture.
Once they are cooked, let sit for one minute before enjoying. They are fabulous! And I am sure once I am on Healthy Solutions, I am certain they would be great wrapped in lettuce.
HMR Sriracha BBQ Chicken Stir-Fry
I have made this twice and am seriously in love with the spicy sweet dipping sauce.
Ingredients
1 HMR BBQ Chicken with Red Beans & Rice
Garlic Power
Red Salt (optional – I just link the clay flavor but regular salt would also work)
Sriracha
First heat a large nonstick frying pan. I do a quick spritz of cooking spray as well.
Clean your chicken breast off, reserving the sauce (don’t mix that goodness! You want to keep the rice and beans as dry as possible). Chop chicken into small bite-sized pieces.
Add rice and beans to pan. At this point I add a couple of tablespoons of water because the rice is hard. I also add salt and garlic powder – amount will depend on your taste and I love garlic!
You will want to use a wooden spoon to avoid scratching the pan. I start pushing the rice and beans around, breaking them up. After about a minute, add the chicken. Continue stirring until everything is heated up and you start to see some browning.
Okay confession… One of my favorite parts of this process is using the wooden spoon to scrap off all the brown parts that stick to the pan. I scrap them into the bowl (or eat them off the spoon – no shame!) for extra crunchy texture.
Pour your fried rice mix into a bowl.
Depending on your heat preference, the sauce measurements will vary. Add a little sriracha at a time to the BBQ sauce until you find your perfect sweet and spicy blend. Spoon sauce next to stir-fry or pour over.
I love Asian food and while this isn’t quite the same, it is a delicious kick to one of my favorite HMR entrees!
HMR Toasted Raviolis
I made these for a Thanksgiving appetizer and will be repeating again for Christmas. The only real problem is that repurposing them out of the sauce made me realize how there are only FOUR raviolis! I had definitely had some portion-distortion going on pre-HMR.
This isn’t my recipe but I wanted to share my review. I definitely pressed down with the spatula to get as much of the outside browned as possible. I also doctored the sauce with various herbs like garlic.
More is Better
I feel like I have been working a second (sometimes third) job most of my life.
When asked what hobby I do on a regular basis, I am tempted to reply “I diet.”
Dieting has consumed my life for almost half of my life. I gain, I lose, I gain, I lose. The perpetual seesaw.
This new program? HMR? It’s another diet. I know I am supposed to say it is a lifestyle change but I am not there yet. Many diets I have attempted have been “lifestyle changes” but my life didn’t change.
I am working on it. Working hard to live fully in the program. To not try to calculate calories too much these first few weeks but eat my prescription and when needed to practice “more is better” which is a mantra of the program. Hungry? Eat another HMR meal.
The idea of “more is better” is counter to everything I have ever been taught about dieting. I have been constantly bombarded with what needs to be cut. The only more that was ever better was more minutes on the treadmill.
The rational part of my brain understands the justifications for the program’s “more is better” tenet. But it is a struggle some days to eat the extra and not feel guilty. I know I need to eat extra some days. I understand this is an ultra-marathon and not a lap around the track. That staying “in the box” (eating only HMR products) is how I stay on track. And by staying full, I am not tempted to binge.
All of this makes sense. But it’s a hard hurdle to jump over some days. Today is definitely one of those days.
HMR Decision Free Pumpkin Pie Shake
I love to cook. I love to consume a variety of flavors and textures. And one of my biggest fears of starting the HMR Diet was that I would not be able to cook.
This is my third week of the diet and I am happy to say that I have been playing in the kitchen!
The first week of the diet I started looking up recipes online. Many of the HMR recipes appeared to be for Healthy Solutions or involved major manipulations that made me uncomfortable as I didn’t want to veer too far off from the basics until I knew the program and myself.
However after ordering a number of sugar free syrups, zero calories extracts, and spices galore — I have been amassing a number of recipes I want to record to use down the road.
I have a Vitamix blender. I got it before I started HMR but it has been a total lifesaver. It is the easiest to clean ever and makes my smoothies amazingly fluffy and smooth. I say this as a preface because results may vary if you try this with a different blender at home.
Pumpkin Pie Decision Free Smoothie
1 packet HMR Vanilla 800
3/4 to 1 cup of water
6 pumps Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Pie syrup
7 to 9 ice cubes
Pumpkin Pie spice
1. Blend water, syrup, and powder on low for 20-30 seconds.
2. Add ice cubes and 2-3 dashes of spice to the blender.
3. Blend on high for 20-40 seconds (the longer I blend, the fluffier it gets!)
Enjoy!
Decision Free
My brain is absolutely overwhelmed right now. I am “Decision Free” but full of decisions.
Confused?
Me too.
After a number of diet attempts. All of the restarts. The downs and ups on the scale (mostly ups). I started to do some research. I reflected. A lot. I knew a change was needed and I knew it needed to happen now.
Doctor visits. Medical tests. All confirmed what I already knew. If I didn’t start losing weight, I was heading down a very dark path.
I like food a lot. I took a hiatus from creating and blogging food recipes on Uncovering Food because I had moved to a more urban neighborhood where every kind of food I desired was right outside of my front door. And explore my neighborhood I did… bite by bite.
I realized I had lost my focus on health, and continued to fight myself. And when we moved to a new apartment and a number of other drastic changes happened around me, I woke up.
After attempting to be the Healthy Academic for so long on my own, I admitted I needed help. Being healthy isn’t just about eating vegetables or running a 5k. Being healthy means caring for your body and ensuring that excess weight doesn’t shut parts of it down. However I realized that with so much going on in my life, my present and my history, I was going to have difficulty staying with another diet-by-my-own-design.
After screenings, meetings, and my first night of class, I am officially an active participant in the HMR Decision Free program through my doctor’s medical network. I plan on writing more about it as we progress but for now I am still overwhelmed with all of my materials and all of the parts of this medically-supervised program…
It took me two weeks to publish this initial post about HMR because I felt like I have given up so much of my identity. I feel like I have to defend my choices to myself, let alone to others. However two weeks into this program, on Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful to myself that I didn’t let pride get in my own way. That I am doing this for my wellness.
Am I Powerless?
Everything I have read and heard about addiction says that the first step is admitting you are powerless to your substance. Whether it be food or an illicit substance, you are supposed to admit and accept that you have no control and these substances control you.
I disagree.
You see, I am a food addict by every definition I can find. I love the way food makes me feel. It is a comforting blanket on a stressful day. It is a celebration when something exciting has happened. It keeps me from being bored and it entertains me when I cook. When I feel lost or when I feel found, food is there with me.
I don’t think I had this addiction my whole life. I don’t remember food always being the comfort it is today. I have spent a long time reflecting and trying to figure out where my relationship with food changed. It’s a worthy exercise if you are as overweight as I have become.
It started in high school. Between the stress of overcommitting myself to a bajillion activities to the insecurity of transferring midyear, I found comfort in comfort foods. There was nothing more comforting that a bowl of potatoes, microwaved until baked, and smothered in butter and cheese. When I felt lonely, cheese was there.
When I entered college, the comfort I had found became something I needed. I did not always have the best choice in significant others and the first guy I dated in college was a doozy. Without reliving the pain, let’s say that I quickly turned to food and the need for comfort lasted over two years. Looking back, I know all of the mistakes I made, but at the time the pain of the day was minimized by a two cheeseburger extra value meal.
After this extended period of bingeing to comfort, my relationship with food was secure and my weight battle was full-force. This is reflected when I lost a significant amount of weight early in my career, only to pile it back on in what seemed like the minutes after a family member was critically injured in a car accident.
I acknowledge now that I have a sordid relationship with food. I have an addiction to the way food makes me feel. And that addiction has significant power.
But I am not powerless.
Admitting you are powerless is a cop-out. It means you can never interact with the substance again because you cannot control it. And that would mean that I could never eat again… something that is actually impossible to do and survive.
However, I can reduce the number of decisions I have to make about food. Stepping away from our complex relationship in order to exam it and correct it. We will always have a relationship. However maybe our relationship could improve.
I am not powerless. Recognizing and acknowledging I am addicted to food and doing something to change this addition is the opposite of powerless. It takes strength and motivation. It takes desire and action.
I am not powerless. I am empowered.
Renewal through Relaxation
Unimaginable.
Today I have accomplished so much in my home. It is really unimaginable.
And yet it didn’t take my whole day away from me? I still have time to rest and relax?
My normal routine when I have a free evening is to catch up on work that was placed on a back burner, and then zone in front of the computer or telly. Not ever really being super productive because I am only half -present, and almost always regretting that I didn’t spend more time getting more accomplished around the house.
I can’t do everything. This year I placed more emphasis on taking care of me. Making sure I get rest and don’t worry about the small things around the house.
Normally when I have a few days off, I go on a whirlwind tour, getting in as much social time and personal travel as possible. Until I wear myself out.
However, after taking a real Spring Break. Sleeping without an alarm, relaxing, getting to spend quality time with family, and having some enjoyable time out? I actual crave being productive around the house. It’s not a chore but actually fun to clean out my closet or to prep meals for the week ahead.
It turns out that resting over a break and breaking out of the norm can be the perfect refueling station.
With two months left in the academic year, there is another rush about to hit. Post-season tournaments are in full-swing, my seniors are graduating, and summer programming is about to ramp up. But I feel a renewed sense of being. And for that, I am thankful.
Just Show Up
Just show up.
I have read so many fitness “get slim in six easy moves” “lose 5 lbs in 3 days” “the secret food that will make you skinny” diet secret containing magazines that I should be invisible by now because I am oh so thin.
But wait. Apparently reading about getting thin, about shedding those unwanted pounds, is not the way to actually lose the weight.
Somewhere between the pages of those glossy fitness model pages, I lost my minutes.
I lost the time that I could find… to get thin.
And while inspired by the pages,
I lack the motivation to do the movement.
And time and time again I pledge that TOMORROW, I will go to the gym.
You see,
I am too tired.
I have too much work today.
The house is in shambles.
Someone might spoil that TV show that’s on tonight.
I just don’t want to go.
So many reasons to go home, curl up on the couch, and zone out…
Imagining the thin within.
Somewhere along the line, I lost my motivation. And my motivation is really good at playing
Hide
and
go
Seek
However… through all I have learned about myself. About how I function. And about how we work. I have one thing to say.
Just.Show.Up.
Pack that bag with the clothing you will need and go to the gym. Just go. Get dressed. Sit there. Drink a latte. You don’t have to exercise.
But if you are like me, you will find yourself on that elliptical, or in that aerobics class, or lifting weights… or on a bad day maybe you will just walk at the slowest speed possible on the treadmill.
You will find your movement. Your motivation.
I am a debate coach. I can convince myself to do just about anything. But something the only thing I can really do is show up.
Being present is motivation to move.
Movement is power.
Power gets you through the day.
And tomorrow?
Maybe you will do more than just show up.
Self-Sabotage
Self-Sabotage
I am very good at losing weight. I have lost probably over two hundred pounds in my lifetime. Perhaps even more.
So I should be incredibly skinny right? Practically see-through?
And yet I am near my highest weight ever. Having put on most of the 5% I was so motivated to lose over the last couple months.
Losing weight is a long process. It’s one that has to happen slowly as habits are formed and the body and mind work together to find the healthier self. To develop a new fitter being.
My mind and body don’t like each other. They are like the Hollywood couple that everyone thinks should be together, who make and sell movies together, but self-destruct when the cameras aren’t around. Sure they get along in the short term, but only so they can say their marriage lasted longer than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.
I self-sabotage. No matter if it’s Weight Watcher points, calories, food lists, prepped meals, meal-blogging etc… I can last for a short while and have amazing results. But then something inside of me clicks off. I make poor food choices, stop meal planning, go for the easy, tasty caloriebombs, I go out with friends and don’t choose the healthier option. I intentionally, whether I know it is intentional, pack those pounds right back on.
I can blame my job. Most of my friends console my weight gain by proclaiming “I don’t know how you do it… If I did your job I would weigh so much more than you do!” Thanks? But some of my best losses come from those months where I don’t come up for air. It’s like having a weekend off from work is also a weekend to eat and drink whatever is in front of me.
So I can’t blame my job.
In reality, I don’t know why I give up. It’s not an all or nothing world. And it isn’t like I tell myself that if I screw up for one meal, I have screwed up the week. I don’t say “fuck it” and eat crap and I even attempt to balance the crap with the good.
Maybe my metabolism is shot to hell. Maybe one bad meal is all it takes to pack on the weight again?
That’s obviously not true. Even if my metabolism was slower than a teenager getting ready for school in the morning, one meal is not going to reverse weeks of hard work. I may not be a doctor, but I know enough to know that isn’t how it works.
I don’t have an excuse. I am just bad at following through when it comes to me. I am a great advocate for my students, my friends, and my family. But when it comes to advocating for myself to myself on what I truly need and not just what feels good at the moment, I fail.
It’s easier to reward myself than to punish. It’s easier to take the route of tasty instead of the route of steamed veggies. It’s easier to socialize or chillax on the couch, rather than get up and stay in motion. It is easier to stay fat and kill myself one calorie-bomb at a time than to recognize that I deserve better and work to give myself what I deserve.
My birthday is just a couple of weeks away. Another year has passed where I pledged to take care of myself and another year has passed where I strived, succeeded, and then thrown that hard work away.
I don’t have a solution to stop the self-sabotage. But maybe finally I have awareness.
Spin – conquering the final gym fear.
In my quest to lose weight and get healthy, I have spent hours at the gym. Mind you, the consistency these days is lacking, but long story short, I know my way around cardio and weight rooms. I have stepped, kicked, stretched through group exercise classes. I have free-weighted, circuit-trained, trekked, ellipticaled, mastered the stairs, and spent more hours with physical trainers than I can count. But there is one area of the gym I have always feared.
Spin class.
No matter the city, the gym, the time of day… spin class has always scared the beejezus out of me. There is something about the way that everyone knows what they are doing with these machines that have knobs and levers. They are all so… focused. Full of intent.
Recently, I needed something new. I had rejoined a gym and needed to find something to throw my energy into. I needed accountability. But most of all, I needed a class that worked with my schedule.
So a friend and I both committed to a spin class.
Walking in the very first morning was incredibly scary. I wanted to back out. But I had made a commitment with a friend (and it would only be after the class that I would find out she also wanted to back out).
With the help of an overly perky instructor, I adjusted the bike. I then mounted the bike. And 45 minutes later, I was more than ready to get off that bike.
However, I had discovered something about myself. I had discovered that spin was no scarier than any other part of the gym. That when I faced my fear, I could conquer something new. And, I never thought I would say this, enjoy it.
Spin class offers something that no other part of the gym offers. It allows you to work at your own resistance, your own pace, without anyone knowing what level you are working on. For those of you who self-compare, like I tend to do, you can’t! All you can do it focus on yourself. And that forced focus is what I needed to ensure I was keeping proper form, and not just competing against my peers. The competitor within now could only focus on myself.
I have been going to spin classes on a regular basis now for several months. I am still not a spin guru. I don’t have the magical clip spin shoes. I don’t go on bike rides in the mountains on weekend. But I can spin. The fear has been conquered.
The truth of the matter is.
A reflection post.
Today I stood outside in the sun for over four hours. I stood and cheered as thousands of runners raced past. It was an emotional morning. I cheered for runners at the beginning of the journey, near the middle, and near the end. I got to see runners pumped, fledgling, and defeated. I saw them triumph, I saw their pain.
In 2009, I barely made it to the finish line of this race. I had fallen down a flight of stairs about six weeks prior to the race, not that I was in peak physical performance before then, and hurt myself. This was not my first injury, and it would not be my last. However, there was something inside of me that kept me going.
When I reached mile 8 of this race, I was near tears. By mile 9, I was looking for a medic. I sat, I iced my back, and then with ice wrapped to my back with plastic wrap, I walked. The last three miles were some of the slowest and most painful in my life. I cried. I felt alone. And I was so determined to finish what I had started.
Before I got to the finish line, I saw a woman behind me. She waved me down. She said she had been following me for the last couple of miles. That she had wanted to give up but she saw me and she knew if I could do it, so could she. We both attempted to run the last few feet to the finish. We wanted to finish strong.
December of 2009, I completed my second half. I felt strong. I was faster. I wasn’t able to run the full race but even walking, I was proud. I shaved 30 minutes off my time. I knew I was only going to get stronger.
One week later I injured my leg. I spent 2010 trying to recover from this non-running injury (if you are reading this, get your vitamin D levels checked, just trust me). I was planning on running a marathon in October where there was also to be a wedding. Then I planned on walking that marathon. And finally, on doctor’s orders, I was sidelined and cheered. I was happy to be there, but frustrated because I felt like there was more I could have done.
2011 brought on a year of discovery. Injuries from the past were beginning to heal but I had managed to put on so much weight from lack of activity and fear of injury, that becoming active again was difficult. I had lost motivation. I wasn’t eating right, I wasn’t trying to become healthier. I signed up for a half-marathon, with the hope that this would motivate me to get active. To try to recapture what I had felt two years earlier. But internal medical struggles, and my own nonchalance about my health kept me from training properly and fueling per my medical needs.
I started that race strong. But before I had even hit the 5k mark, my stomach was screaming. And as the race went on, I searched for a way to catch a ride back. By the 6th mile, I was crouched on the sidelines, trying not to give up.
After hobbling two more miles, and taking a number of breaks, my stomach finally felt better, but now old structural injuries were flaring because I had been compensating for the digestive pain. However, at this point I wasn’t going to quit. I hobbled through freezing rain and tears to the finish line. I finished and there wasn’t anyone left there to cheer for me. But I finished.
So today, I stayed. I stayed until the vehicle escorting the last three participants passed me. I cheered and I screamed. I knew the frustration in the eyes of those who had started strong and finished. I celebrated the triumph of their completion. I hope they will be able to celebrate it as well.
I am just two months away from that same race that was both my triumph and my defeat. I signed up again because I knew I needed to prove to myself that I can finish strong. But I haven’t done a single training run. I have been taking cardio classes to build my stamina, but my feet and back cry from all of the weight I have put on. I am constantly struggling between motivation and defeat.
It’s hard to get back on the horse. It’s incredibly hard to know what it was like to fly, and feel like you can barely crawl. This year, I may not participate in the race. If I am not ready, I will not go. But today motivated me to try. Because if the people crossing the finish line can do it, then dammit, so can I.
One week in, three weeks to go. A reflection.
It has been one week since I committed to the Project GET HEALTHY challenge. And while I have attempted to follow all three of my daily tasks, I am figuring out that I still need to find a happy balance between socializing and getting healthy.
I also realize that taking up a challenge when my life has little structure makes it difficult to maintain from day to day. Without a scheduled wake-up or bedtime, I am free floating (and enjoying it). However, with the start of the school year, this is guaranteed to change.
So I have attempted to stay active and eat more vegetables. I tracked everything until social events overtook my weekend. And then the foods I ate were no longer ones my body agreed with and my activity stalled as I have been laid up with awful stomach pains.
Life is a learning process and I will just keep taking notes through the journey.
Project GET HEALTHY
It’s been a long year. A crazy year. A FABULOUS year.
A lot of amazing things have happened.
However in the process of this amazingness, something has slipped out of sight. And out of sight is out of mind as the old adage goes.
My health hasn’t been the focus for months. I haven’t cooked for myself in ages nor have I logged what I have eaten or made a concerted effort to be active.
However, as life changes and time opens up, it as though someone was reading my mind when a challenge appeared over my Facebook feed. Thanks to Eating Rules for sharing the link to Social Butterfly Guy‘s 28-day Project GET HEALTHY.
Starting tomorrow for the next 28 days, I have three goals:
1. Track my meals daily
2. Get 20 minutes of activity in 6 days a week.
3. Eat more vegetables
I’ll be tracking using MyFitnessPal but will also stop by here, my ignored blog, to share thoughts as I can. With the start of school fast approaching, it will definitely be a challenge. But based on everything that has happened in 2012 thus far, I am ready for it!
Production versus Consumption. Chicken? or Egg?
As per usual, this isn’t meant to be a topic analysis. Just some quick thoughts when I read the 2012 NCFL topic this morning.
Resolved: Increasing US energy production should take precedence over protecting the environment.
First, I think that the question has to be answered as to what type of energy production that needs to be increased. It would be hard to argue that the US isn’t in need of increased energy with an increase in population. Especially since the topic doesn’t say you get to increase conservation efforts if you vote Con.
Obviously the debate wants to be focused on drilling and fracking for oil and building up nuclear plants, both controversial but known sources of energy. Perhaps coal will also be debated. However, I think that a good Pro team would not limit themselves to these sources. In fact, I would keep all energy sources in mind when framing the case and instead shift the burden to the neg to show that in general, over-protection of the environment is stopping energy development. I don’t know if this is true outside of these primary energy production means.
In a lot of ways, I think this is going to be a very circular debate. Almost a “chicken or egg” line of argument. Those on the Pro will say we can’t have productivity and economic growth/stability without internal energy production while those on the Con will contend we need to focus on creating energy efficient products and lifestyles in order to have economic growth/stability. My head hurts just thinking about it.
Here are some interesting articles that may, or may not, be useful:
Draw a line for the judge: Current debates and why judges are intervening.
As I judge debates on the April PF topic (Resolved: State mandated administration of childhood vaccinations is justified.), I am noticing a common and disturbing set of trends. And these trends are allowing both sides to “win” their side of the debate while in the end leaving it entirely up to the judge to pick what side they like best.
1. Debaters use generic philosophical jargon without understanding the philosophy.
This is problematic for several reasons. First, they aren’t able to fully articulate their own arguments so they are in line with the philosophical view they use to justify, or weigh, their side of the round. This leads to arguments that contradict each other within a case.
Second, because they learn the generic wikipedia level of the philosophical viewpoints, they also don’t understand or see the contradictions their opponents make. Nor are they able to address the arguments from a philosophical view point. Why use these weighing mechanisms and justifications if you can’t really use them?
Ultimately, the judge has two competing, underdeveloped frameworks, with arguments that contradict all over the flow. Super useful in making a decision, right?
2. Lacking a bright line.
This is probably the most frustrating part of the debates I have seen. Both sides fail to show when mandates cause their impacts to happen without the impacts of the other side happening. If mandates cause a loss of autonomy, why doesn’t bans on doing drugs? Where is the line that is drawn between these two regulations? And on the opposite side, why does a government protecting people stop at mandates on vaccines? Why can’t they also mandate what job field we go into so the nation fills every open job? Where does regulation stop and free will begin?
Debaters who lack a bright line are asking the judge to draw one for them. Debaters should hold that pen… don’t give us artistic freedom on the ballot…
3. Missing the forest for the trees.
One of the problems with Public Forum in general, but also true on this topic, is that debaters are attempting to get too line-by-line and run too many sub-points. This leads to underdevelopment, quick pace, and dropped comparative analysis due to time. On this topic, debaters are getting too specific on public opinion polls and specifics on what a mandate would look like rather than discuss the larger questions of the resolution. C’mon folks… you only have 33 minutes!
So in the end of the round we as the judges have a bunch of competing arguments that we get to weigh. What do we think is most important? Or in some cases, what did we understand more clearly? A case that looks at the forest and links the couple highlighted trees to the forest will win almost every time when competing against a team talking about every individual tree. But when everyone is looking at individual trees… well it’s like taking the extended family out shopping for the perfect Christmas tree! No one walks away happy.
Ultimately, watching these debates continues to cause me to question where is PF, what is it’s purpose, and where is it going. But more on that later.
Pick one thing.
It’s true. I haven’t blogged in forever. And I really don’t have an excuse. I have LOTS of excuses.
The truth is that I am finding it very hard to manage everything. Healthy eating, exercise, work, planning a wedding, and finding time to relax. From tournaments almost every weekend to the siren call of happy hour specials pulling me away from the fresh veggies in the kitchen.
Lately I have felt like a juggler, trying to keep everything in the air without dropping any of the balls. In the process I have minimized my healthy eating, barely work out, and am tired all the time.
So what’s a girl to do? Life isn’t slowing down any time soon. Lots of post-season tournaments and debate camps to work and the wedding is less than four months away.
However, I have been slowly taking back control. I am trying to avoid being superwoman. I have declined plans. Simplified my diet. And am forcing myself to stop comparing myself to those people who seem to have perfect lives.
Finally, rather than set big goals, I am picking one thing and focusing on it. Trying to complete a task before beginning the next one. Focusing on the single stroke and not the final picture.
It’s tough. But I think it’s going to work.
Chewing on Thoughts about Juicing
Fruit. Vegetables. Juice. Juicing. Liquid gold. Cleansing. Fasting.
I recently read an article in one of those checkstand magazines about dropping weight and cleansing your body through a two-day juice fast. It wasn’t your typical 300-calorie fast but included whole avocado in the mix. It sounded sane. And I did feel like my body needed a good cleanse.
Yesterday I embarked. Because how better to start the new year than an all-liquid diet?
I dutifully drank my smoothies, teas, waters, and juices. However something was missing. I wasn’t hungry physically but my body was yearning.
I told myself the yearning was detox. My body crying out for the bad. That I should feel awesome by not giving in. I was AWESOME.
But something was missing. And yes my body did want those processed foods it had gotten to experience over the holidays. But that wasn’t it. It was something else.
So I poured myself a bowl of kale miso stew. Barely any calories. Besides the miso and spices, it was just broth and vegetables. And since vegetable broths were allowed on the cleanse, and vegetables were juiced and blended, I figured it was the same thing.
With one exception.
As I chewed through the thick kale in the stew, the whimpers from deep within were calmed. I began to truly feel satisfied. Satiated. Happy.
It turns out, the process of chewing my food. That’s what I was missing.
This morning, instead of juicing and blending, I chewed. I may still juice some of my foods, but I realize that while I may get a lot of benefit out of a cleanse, I won’t feel satisfied. And as morbid as it seems, I want to be satisfied with my choices each day. Because while I may eat healthy to stretch my time here on Earth out as long as possible, the truth is that we don’t know how long we have. So daily satisfaction is crucial.
That’s something to chew on.
Healthy Food is NOT Expensive (a vent)
As 2012 resolutions begin and people look to lose weight in the coming year, I have seen an influx of posts on weight loss message boards. I read through them, maybe I can help someone, or someone can help me. But I stop. I get frustrated. Because some people don’t want help. Well not real help.
A frequent complaint I hear is that healthy food costs too much. It gets under my skin. It makes me flustered. Because it’s not true.
If you only bought processed crap labeled “healthy” then yes, I guess it is expensive. That label comes with a price. But that’s not really what’s healthy.
And as I get frustrated and angry and want to kick and scream because I have gotten into yet another Internet battle with someone who refuses to believe me. Who doesn’t want to shop the staples. Who deny that my couponing for healthy food is real. Who refuse to check out healthy-eating budget blogs like Poor Girl Eats Well, DianasaurDishes, and MeloMeals.
I stop.
And a wave of emotions wash over me.
I feel sadness that we live in a world where people don’t know how to cook dry beans. Who have never made their own tomato sauce. Who think the only way to eat “healthy” is to buy cardboard boxes with manufactured chemicalbombs labeled as the healthier option.
And so I continue to engage. To hopefully help those who haven’t had the opportunities I have had. Who have been “health-washed” by the food industry giants.
The $1 menu at McDonald’s is not cheaper than a well-rounded meal.
I promise.
The Healthy Academic 
